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Thursday, September 11, 2014

iPhone 6 truths and thoughts.


Man. I'm so sick of all the comments about the iPhone 6 and 6 Plus.

"You know it costs $988 right?"

"Please lah, Android phones had all this specs generations ago."

"Samsung is way better!"

First of all, your Samsung is the size of a plate. I could use your bloody Samsung to serve and cut Sashimi and still have room to put my soy sauce and wasabi. Why the hell would I buy a PHONE that I can't fit into my pocket? I'm not blind what! I have a tablet for big screen purposes and a laptop for movies, all the more I don't need a phone the size of my face.

Secondly, why you hate on my iPhone, when you wave your giant phone in my face I no say it sucks. I just smile politely while I think about its stupidity in my head. I don't openly say you're a stupid idiot for getting a phone that could be used as a ping pong bat.

Third, I'm so disappointed in Apple. Wtf man guys, y'all supposed to be pioneers, and you jump on the bloody big-screen bandwagon?! Why. Why?! You already have the iPad mini, and you want a glorified micro version of it? The iPhone 6 Plus should have just been named the iPad Micro. What a waste of production.

Personally, I buy the iPhone because I love the size, the interface that I have grown to love, the multitude of apps that keep me glued to the app store and the neat and tidy folders they provide that look oh-so-pretty. Sure I can't use it to download and torrent shit, but I DON'T NEED TO DO THAT. I have my computer for that.

Anyways, as a girl who really just wants a phone that can call people, take very swee selfies, help me whatsapp and is easy to carry around, that's all I need and that is just like the 60% of people who buy the iphone (the other 40% is made of hipsters.) See y'all whine about the iPhone not innovating and whatever, but they are just appealing to their target market of white and wannabe white people! Business strategy folks. Come. On.

Next the Apple Watch. Wtf man. Why so much hate? It's pretty nice looking what, looks just like the wristlets they give you in hospitals. Not so bad right? I mean, we all definitely need two phones when we go about our busy lives. I mean when I take a poop and I'm editing my instagram photo on mei tu xiu xiu and someone whatsapp's me I'll definitely make use of the Apple Watch right? Isn't that what it's supposed to do? Make life easier?

Or I could just buy a REGULAR watch and depend on the phone that I already own to do all the things the Apple Watch claims to do right! I really don't have enough extension cords to charge 237280449 number of electronics. Plus I hear that battery life sucks for the Apple Watch. Imagine it dying. Cannot tell the time and cannot do anything. Better write your blood type, medicinal allergies, name and address on its back just in case. At least the fancy metal hardware can be used to replaced dog tags. What a waste of money. Pfft.

Speaking of waste of money, APPLE PAY?! What is that?! You know what #TheFappening is? It's a horror story! It's proof that Apple Pay might cause a wave of cyber crimes AND ruin all our lives! Guys. Warning man. This is not cool man.

Anyways, I'm still buying the iPhone 6. Sorry. I'm an addict. I already have a folder labelled USELESS on my phone where I chuck things like the game centre, stocks, itunes store and newstand. In goes Apple Pay.

Here's my conclusion at the end of the day:
Stick to whatever phone you have or want to buy, shut up about other people's phone no matter how stupid you think they are, and instead contemplate how lazy we've become that we need TWO phones, and how helpless we'll all be if the world was suddenly back to 1992 where there were pagers and no google maps.

Yeah. Now shut up.

p.s. mobile plans will apparently be released on Monday. Joy.

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